Warning: This post is not for all Jewneric readers. Readers without a sense of humor and below the age of 16 are likely to not understand this post.
While trying to give gifts to my newest niece, I came to the realization that when giving gifts to a newborn/baby you aren’t really looking to give the child joy. Those complicated, shiny noisemakers are all the same to someone who can’t see ten inches past the end of her nose. I searched the Internet for something cute and practical and found myself browsing through the CafePress pages.
CafePress, because everyone wants to throw a catch phrase.
For my niece I settled on a baby body suit with the phrase “Kiss Me I’m Kosher”. Of course, that version of the phrase comes in the standard adult size T-shirts as well, giving it a bit of innuendo. That got me to thinking, where else would the creative minds of this generation go with so innocuous a phrase? Once cute and corny on an infant’s garment, another version of the same phrase comes in ladies thong.
The phrase is innuendous partially because it strays from natural course. We don’t kiss something because it is kosher. We EAT things that are kosher. The double entendre is completely gone once the T-shirt reads “Eat Me, I’m Kosher,” which, incidentally, doesn’t come in thong, but does come in boxer shorts. And for those who are a little kinkier, there is also a “Bite Me, I’m Kosher” line.
At this point, some of them are just outright absurd and not worth mentioning. Just because something is inappropriate, doesn’t make it funny.
A dishonorable mention to the T-Shirts with arrows. The up arrow “Milchig”; the down arrow “Fleishig”; the down arrow “I’m Jewish, Wanna Check?” (which, incidentally comes in women’s as well… maybe for those hemishe boychicks).
This whole rant would be missing something very important if I had left out the existence of kosher novelty chocolates, which do exist and there is no reason they shouldn’t. Once the chocolate is kosher, you can mold it into whatever shape you’d find it most fun to eat.
Incidentally, the search for a Kashrus symbol on edible undies continues, but it does exist on a few other similar adult products.
And the issue I have is not really about the actual adult items… I see a purpose in those. I’m scratching my head at the “Shomer Negiah” granny panties, the “Tznius Power” tank-top, the “Homo-Heeb” baseball cap and the others of that ilk. But I suppose every person is free to do what is right in his or her own eyes. So says the book of Judges.
