I live in a sort of self-imposed exile. That must be how I managed to avoid hearing about Dexter Morgan until late into the second season of our growing fascination with him. Dexter Morgan – trauma survivor. Emotionally absent, morally driven, thoughtful, tormented. Dexter Morgan – forensic analyst, gourmand, relationship counselor, loving brother, supportive friend. Dexter Morgan – serial killer.
Dexter is the story of, among other things, one individual’s journey to confront, accept and assimilate the darkest parts of his psyche and inner world. And paradoxically, as his process unfolds, it is his essential humanity that he discovers.
That’s kinda what got me thinking.
The practice of Vipassana Meditation (Vipassana is a Sanskrit word meaning “insight”) and the surrounding Eastern framework that I’ve been studying for the last few years emphasizes, over and over again, the notion that much of our internal suffering and dis-ease comes from our hesitance to confront the totality of our being. And much of the healing, happiness and freedom from anxiety that we so badly crave comes from our finally turning to stare that totality of THE REAL US right in the face.
What do I mean…
Each of us exists, psychospiritually speaking, as a continuum.
At the one end, contained within each of us is a tremendous darkness. It is this darkness, posits the great Harvard-educated writer Daniel Jonah Goldhagen, that makes it possible for the cascade of horrors known as the Holocaust to be perpetrated not only by soldiers and by trained killers but by doctors, veterinarians, bakers and simple farmers. The confluence of factors and historical circumstance allowed for the manifestation of that latent potential for darkness contained within each of them to become a tragic reality.
Who of us has not felt in their lifetime even one fleeting moment of a murderous impulse, thoughts of moral or sexual depravity or the vociferous undercurrent of anger, hatred, and jealousy that shocks even us as it transiently passes through our own awareness? Perhaps even at the moment you read this, you choose not to consciously acknowledge that reality within yourself. Rest easy, you’re not alone. But it’s there. At each moment in our lives. Simmering under the surface.
At the polar opposite end of the continuum, contained within each of us is a tremendous, inextinguishable light. That light is manifest in our finest moments of heroism and courage. That light is manifest when, contrary to all natural physical logic, we sacrifice of our money, our time or even our life for those we love or for a higher calling. It is that light which we see on the very rare occasions when we look another human being in the eye, fully and mindfully.
And then there is the middle 50%. The day-to-day us. Safe. Harmless. Conforming. Acceptable. Perfectly Average.
It seems to me that we will go to great lengths to avoid fully confronting the extremes of our being, both the darkness and the light. That behavior, like so much of our lives, is motivated mainly by fear. Fear of what we might discover inside ourselves. Fear of its implications for our identity, for how we choose to live our lives. Thus, we choose, often at a level well below our conscious awareness, to pretend that we are only our middle 50%. Maximally, one standard deviation from the mean. Never more. Never acknowledging the outliers, the extremes.
As such, we fail to integrate those parts of our inner world, marginalizing them and creating the potential for future pathology. Consequently, we tend not to look another human being in the eye for more than an instant. We tend not to courageously leap at opportunities for true heroism and sacrifice.The light is too bright. And we tend to quash and suppress our dark impulses and feelings. To avoid facing our deepest fears, resentments, hurt and desires. The dark is too overwhelming.
We live lives that are perfectly average. No tragedy. But no heroism.
Dexter is the story of an individual who was taught to present himself to the world superficially as his Middle 50%. It’s safer that way. Yet he intuitively understands that the Middle 50% is woefully insufficient. As he begins to acknowledge and come into mindful contact with the extreme darkness within his being, he concurrently discovers the extreme light.
As I watched Season Two of Dexter, that idea resonated so strongly with me. This is the age-old hero myth, a story present in every civilization since the dawn of time. And this is what various Eastern traditions have been teaching for thousands of years. The path to greatness IS the journey to the extreme darkness, the chaos and terrifying unknown of our being; the journey to transcend our identification with the Middle 50%. The more we are able to face our internal darkness with compassion, gentleness, with acceptance and with a deep understanding of its place in our lives, the more we are able, in equal measure, to come in contact with, and subsequently to manifest, our internal light. Of course, this process must be undertaken at the right time, in the safe presence of those who love us and will support us.
This journey is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage and resolve to face our demons, our darkest places. However, in doing so, we allow ourselves to touch our true beauty, the Infinite Light we were created to radiate.
That’s what I learned from the inner world of Dexter Morgan.
“Don’t turn your head. Keep looking
at the bandaged place. That’s where
the light enters you.”
- 13th century Sufi poet Jalaladdin Rumi
