Married…With Children
A popular show in the 90s was really a parody of those 50s and 60s feel good family shows- where everything always works out right, and the family always sticks together and gets along. Those disgustingly annoying shows like the Brady Bunch, where the crisis of the day usually includes Marcia getting hit by a football, or Cindy losing her doll, will make a semi-intelligent audience want to cringe. Life is not like the Brady Bunch.
Audiences eagerly turned to the show “Married…with Children†in an effort to distance themselves from the false sugar-coated view of the world that the Brady Bunch and shows like it offered. The show centers on an incredibly dysfunctional family- a caricature of families that probably existed everywhere in the United States during the 80s. Balding, foul-mouthed patriarch Al Bundy is stuck in a job he hates as a women’s shoes salesman. His wife, Peggy, that he was forced to marry in a shotgun wedding, is a slovenly smoking red head, that he always finds time to insult. Their children, Bud and Kelly, are typical teens: a horny, yet completely socially awkward pre-teen boy and his overly promiscuous idiot sister. The story also features the happily married newly-wed couple Marcy and Steve Rhoades and their sickening relationship.
At first glance, this show really has no values that are important for Jews anywhere. In fact, one can easily argue what a negative impact this show would have on the Jewish community. The family patriarch is portrayed as a sexist, ignorant human being ridiculed by his wife and his children, in a horrible job. Kelly, his daughter, is promiscuous and idiotic. She looked as if she shopped out of a Hookers-R-Us catalogue, and was usually on the back of some meathead’s motorcycle every episode. This probably is the last thing Jewish parents want for their children; with the concept of tsniut being prevalent within the Orthodox community. Bud, the most intelligent of the family, used his brains to devise ways to entrap women into sleeping with him, and always failed. (I remember even rooting for him once or twice to get the girl…just because his attempts and failures were always so pathetic.) This, of course, is a really negative portrayal of a trait Jews really admire, intelligence and learning.
At first glance, this show is inappropriate for anyone to watch.
I don’t like first glances.
I actually believe that a successful theme of this show is the idea of Taharat Mishpacha; which is undoubtedly difficult to perceive, but is still a major factor of this show.
Look at the marriage of Al and Peggy Bundy. They don’t really seem to love or respect each other. They constantly insult each other, and their failings. Al is constantly complaining of Peggy’s shoddy…non-existent housework and her sitting in front of the television eating bon-bons and smoking cigarettes all day. Peggy constantly complains of Al’s non-existent sex drive, as well as his inability to be successful at his job.
Now look at the marriage of their successful newly-wed neighbors. Marcy is rising in the banking system, and bringing home a steady paycheck, and completely in love with her husband Steve. The two are incredibly sickening in their public displays of affection, and their oft-stated declarations of ooey-gooey love to each other. If you look at the marriages at first glance, you see a failing marriage that exists only out of habit, and a marriage of true love that will last forever.
Al and Peggy have been married for probably 16-17 years prior to the beginning of the show. Granted, it was a shotgun wedding due to the unwanted pregnancy of Peggy, but it was binding none-the-less. Marcy and Steve have been married for 2 weeks (?). (It’s been years since I watched…so I am fuzzy on the details.)
One of the major jokes of the show is that Al and Peggy barely have intercourse or contact with each other. It’s taken to an absurd degree, but when they do get with each other, it’s completely explosive, and a real treat to the audience to watch (not actually watch! Mostly you just see a judge’s bench and hear the really awesome words “Oh Al!â€). And while Peg and Al often speak about their disgust for the other person, I feel a true audience member sees that the “hashkafa†between the two is incredibly similar. Al and Peggy were made for each other. They know how to talk to each other, how to communicate, and thus, their marriage works. And while they do not physically interact with each other on a regular basis, the times they do are completely explosive and fun for them (and the audience to watch). A line that’s oft repeated “Oh, Al!†probably illustrates this point effectively.
Marcy and Steven, and then later on- Marcy and Jefferson, are ALWAYS physical with each other. The constant hugging, kissing, touching, sex, and fondling can grate on even the most P.D.A. loving audience member’s nerves.* Also, the over mushy talk they have with each other, with the boring sappy nicknames is a point which equates to the nails on chalkboards feeling.
Marcy’s marriages with both of these men are shams. Really, if you look at them, they have tons of problems with each other. They aren’t able to communicate at all, and Steve even leaves her to “find himself†after two seasons with her. While Al and Peggy were made for each other, and don’t need constant physical gratification, Marcy and Steve (or Jefferson) are constantly involved in the physical aspect of the marriage because they have nothing else substantial to base their marriage on. Also, the fact that Marcy married a male pretty boy, after being a feminist for such a long time (and a feminist after), was very hypocritical of her (but true to her character all the same).
Another aspect that is really portrayed about the strength of Al’s and Peggy’s marriage, vs. Marcy’s marriage with Steve or Jefferson is that even when Al and Peggy are faced with the temptations of the outside world, they are able to stay strong and not succumb to those temptations. In one of the later seasons, a rich, attractive woman literally throws herself at Al Bundy. I think she offers him money (again- fuzzy on the details) to sleep with her. Yet, even though Al says he doesn’t like his wife, and he has so many “problems†and arguments with her, he still chooses his wife. He still loves her. During the actual show, there are very few times when Al and Peg have a real potentially relationship damaging argument. In fact, one can even see on the first episode, that Al and Peg have affection and understanding of the other spouse that Marcy is never able to achieve with Steve or Jefferson.
Because I don’t remember the details, but I am sure that Marcy cheated on Jefferson with Steve, and she was unfaithful a few other times besides- but I don’t want to say for sure.
While people may be reluctant to look at Al and Peggy Bundy as an example for a healthy marriage, they are much more realistic and should be more desirable than Marcy with either of her two guys. Al and Peggy understand each other, and also understand that the basis of a relationship should not be only sex. They understand that to really truly love their significant other, they don’t need to be always touching and fondling and kissing- they can have a relationship outside of that. That relationship falls clearly into the concept of taharat mishpacha. I know, because I like paying attention in class. Al and Peggy viewed and treated each other as equals. Marcy looked down on both of her husbands (one was weak, and the other was an idiot). In the long run, the healthier and longer lasting relationship was really with the Bundys.
(*Please note, there’s touching and then there’s touching. Like the “blocking your way to class- tonsil hockey touching that makes you want to throw up” touching isn’t fun to watch 24/7. )
references to imdb.com and my Home and Family Notes
Edit: I just wanted to add a couple of things to clarify my points and my beliefs.
Am I a fan of people being in dysfunctional relationships with repulsive people? No. Is this a show I would allow my kids to watch? I’m sticking to Mr. Roger’s reruns and sesame street, thank you very much.
I just wanted to point out that the writers of this show were pretty clever, and that the couple with better hashkafa were the Bundys, not the Darcys/Rhoades.
Are the Bundys a thriving 100% perfect example of a happy healthy marriage/family relationship? I’m crazy, but not crazy enough to answer yes. However, they are a realistic couple with a relationship that works for them. Because they were written that way.But it works, and that is what is important.
