Everyone is hating on this article from the Jewish Press, and I absolutely agree with 99% of all the negative comments I’m reading from my friends. I feel, however, somewhat required to come to the defense of this woman. Not because I agree with her, because I absolutely don’t, but because she is an obvious product of the current system and we shouldn’t expect anything else.
The shidduch world that this woman lives in creates an environment of sterility when it comes to dating. There is a process. For girls, you have a resume. You have your goals and your desires. You put them out there for the mothers of eligible sons to review. It’s like a job interview. If you look the part, have the right resume, say the right things in your interview, you may get the job as wife.
I am not surprised that many women don’t put on makeup (even though I don’t believe that this is a majority). If you want to impress mothers, you don’t need to appeal to their sexual desires. Looks are probably the last thing on their minds. And I’m not surprised that this mother is annoyed by this. Doesn’t her son deserve a wife who dresses to the nines at all times? It’s a natural reaction in this environment from both sides.
Her opinion or the countless of other idiots who think this way are not the problem. The problem is a system that doesn’t allow for the actual men (I use the term “men” loosely here) to meet their women in a casual environment and play the typical cat and mouse game of dating that most couples go through. The flirting. The asking out on dates. The development of a real relationship. This game can be annoying, frustrating, and painful but it helps both sides learn about themselves and what they need to do to mature physically and emotionally.
We have a shidduch crisis because the “shidduch system” creates a crisis by default. We need mothers and resumes out of the dating world. We need community leaders (Rabbis specifically) to encourage socialization. We need boys to feel the pressure of walking up to a (pretty) girl and asking for her number and we need girls to learn how to grab a guy’s attention without looking too interested. Everyone needs to understand that just because a boy or girl is ready to date, doesn’t mean they’re ready to get married. I don’t see that changing any time soon. And THAT is why this article is so disturbing.
