Posted January 13 2008
Blonde or Brunette?
Unfortunately, people’s brains are in their eyes. They believe only what they see, and not much more. Growing up in the Persian community of Great Neck, New York, this is all too true. Too many families have houses they can barely afford, cars they can barely afford, and take out loans and second mortgages to throw extravagant parties for the child’s bar/bat mitzvah that caters more to their friends rather than to their child’s. This is all a part of their front. This is also true in the dating world. My mother had told me about a few suitors that had come for one of my cousins that had left running when they heard her demands, and I mean rude demands, that she only be taken to a kosher restaurant. Granted, she didn’t set it out in the best way, but a guy shouldn’t have a problem with paying a few dollars more if that is really the girl he wants to go out with, right?
I have heard so many non-observant parents tell their daughters, “Why don’t you just give it up until you get married, then you can turn the guy whichever way you want!” That is just like saying, “This guy only wants to date redheads, so dye your hair for now, and if/when you get married, you can dye it back!”
We as observant Jews have come so far, have dealt with so much, and have sacrificed so much for what we believe in so that we may do what is right, what is wanted by Hashem, what is dictated by the Torah, and what we can do in order to preserve who we are and the religion for our children and generations to come. Now, as much as I agree that “the man, he is the head, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head anyway she wants” (My Big Fat Greek Wedding which is scarily close to my family), there are some things that cannot be sacrificed now in order to change later. They say in law that if you need to burn one person’s house in order to save the entire town, you are allowed to burn that house and will not be punished for it because it is for the greater good. It does not work that way with Judaism. What you do now and the sacrifices you make now - whether it is going to a party, eating somewhere cheaper or more convenient, traveling when prices are cheaper - that is all for the greater good for yourself and all Jews. Giving up something that is essential to Judaism and your practice is not.
Sorry to make this another dating post, but it was on my mind.
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