Posted September 5 2007
Boundaries
What makes a person change his or her set of ideals? What causes someone to drop a commitment he or she once held so dearly, and in some cases make a complete about-face in the opposite direction?
I’m not talking about any one instance in particular, or even one type of idealism. But generally. I’ve heard people talk about how you can’t judge a survivor of the Holocaust who stops being religious. Fine. Thank G-d I’ve never experienced that type of horror, so I cannot begin to fathom what might have caused a survivor to lose his or her religion or at least compromise his or her level of observance.
But there are others to whom this seems to be happening even today. I remember back in high school being told by my rabbis and teachers that we were in the midst of the greatest Ba’al Teshuvah (returning to halakhic Judaism) movement that the world has ever seen. And while I am not old enough to remember the “real world” at that time, I do know this - today there is also an enormous movement to embrace the ideals and values of the world around us. Some of these values may be very good; but some are not at all in line with traditional Jewish values. Can we as modern Jews in fact embrace the modern world around us, while staying true to our ideals?
There is no denying the fact that the Torah states somewhat explicitly (although it does use euphemism, so I guess one could question the literal meaning if one really wanted to) that male homosexual activity is to be treated as an abomonation. It makes no distinction as to whether this is a one-time activity or a lifestyle choice or a consequence of a genetic predisposition to having sexual feelings for another man. Yet, today, there are critics of the documentary, Trembling Before G-d, who say that the approach of the rabbis in that film - to love the sinner and hate the sin - is cruel, because it still treats the homosexual as a sinner. There are internet based groups that demand that Orthodox Judaism address the issue of homosexuality in Judaism. The Conservative Movement, for its part, enacted what is essentially a Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy among its rabbinical students, and allowed individual synagogues to decide for themselves whether or not to officiate a homosexual wedding. This year (perhaps every year, although I don’t know) there was a very strong show of support at the Israeli Gay Pride Parade, from Orthodox Jews who, in the past, would have been shocked by this sort of demonstration.
Now there’s Noah Feldman, author of “Orthodox Paradox“, who has supporters claiming that Orthodox Judaism’s approach to intermarriage doesn’t jive with the literal text of TaNa”Kh, which tells us that Ruth the Moabite was the great-grandmother of King David, and insist that Orthodoxy must embrace the intermarried. Shmuley Boteach, in a column in the Jerusalem Post, goes one step short of this, holding at a position of love the sinner, hate the sin. But others don’t stop there. Boteach, by the way, points out that he has a long history as a mentor to Feldman, and that it’s his strong desire for Feldman’s wife and children to embrace Judaism that prompted him to write his piece. He also states that as a student at Oxford, Feldman used to be “a kind of secondary rabbi at our L’Chaim Society,” and that, “[i]t was a source of great pride for me that Noah was observant and wore a kippa. We all marveled every Shabbat at Noah’s incredible ability to read any section of the Torah at our student synagogue.” So, at least in the mind of Shmuley Boteach, Feldman used to be idealogically strong in his commitment to Judaism.
There’s also a common theme I have seen begin to develop among many “staunch supporters” of Israel, who have made ‘Aliyah and have even served in the military out of their sense of idealism. That theme is that they are beginning to turn on the idealists whose vision they once shared. A growing number of American ‘Olim who served in the IDF because they believed that Israel was given to the Jewish People by G-d Himself, and who, before having served, would march in protest against the dismantling of any settlement or neighborhood, have since supported the Gaza withdrawal, refused to serve in the West Bank, and are now in favor of propping up the Abbas government and returning parts of the land that they would have cried over in the past. What changed? Many have said that it’s the very love of the land that has caused them to realize the errors of their earlier ways. There is a demographic crisis; Israel cannot police a foreign land; it is undemocratic for Israel to subdue an entire people. This is a different idealism. It’s an idealism of democracy and equality, and being good to one’s neighbor, even when that neighbor is cruel to the first. This is a fine belief to have; but it’s not the belief they once held.
What changed? There are those who say that people never change. Yet, I’m more inclined to believe that people do change. But what causes it? Is there a point that can serve as a red flag? Is there a point at which an obeserver, or even the actor himself, can recognize as perhaps a turning point, beyond which there may be no return? A friend of mine once told me and another friend that his brother had given him stern advice: “If you aren’t Shomer Negi’ah (careful not to engage in physical contact with the opposite sex), you’ll wind up having premarital sex.” The other friend noted, “But your bother isn’t Shomer Negi’ah with his girlfriend, so what does that mean?” The first friend responded, “It means whatever it means.” So was the brother having premarital sex? I have no way of knowing. But I think he was making a strong point. Ideals are good. Boundaries are good. Maybe change is also good - I’m sure over the years that I’ve changed - but if you don’t have boundaries, how will you know where to stop?
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