Posted August 31 2008 by Ezra Butler
Perfection, Eugenics, Israel, and America
I will always remember Friday night. I came to a realization, an understanding, the veil of darkness was lifted from my eyes. I recall the mad dash before leaving for my brother’s house, seeing online that McCain had chosen Sarah Palin for the job of VP, in the likely case that he won. Immediately, I started researching the future Veep, with much gusto and fervor. I wanted to know everything I could about her, so I can be in a strong position to debate everyman (and everywoman) on the street corner, in a true democratic-style intellectual tete-a-tete.
I finally felt vindicated. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am extremely shallow. I choose my friends solely on basis of their appearance, and therefore I only have ridiculously good looking friends. [This is actually the truth.]
As everyone knows, Sarah Palin, the governor from one of the largest states in the US, Alaska, was the runner up in the Miss Alaska competition. Indeed, her looks provided her with a college education.
Looks matter. Just ask Nixon. From him, we learn not to believe ugly people. We faltered, and elected him, and paid dearly for it. Let’s not even talk about the names “Kennedy” and “Reagan” that are repeated incessantly in any political debate. Both were extremely good looking men. Legacies secured. (Even the legacy of Dan “Pretty-Boy” Quayle, with his revised spelling rules, is still standing strong.)
But this post is not about looks being for a requirement for politics. This post is about something completely different.
The word of the day is Eugenics. This is truly the difference between Israel and America. About 3 months ago, the municipality of Jerusalem consecrated the new “Bridge of Strings” with a 1/2 million shekel show. In addition to the prerequisite pyrotechnics, symphony, and acrobats, there was a troupe of pre-teen female dancers. As Israel does not believe in individualism (as is quite apparent from their party-based political system), they dressed the girls in body and head covering apparel. [Another interpretation is that in the sexually-charged inauguration of a major phallic symbol into Jerusalem, the municipality decided to stem the hyper-sexualism of the audience onto the pre-teen girls, but that can't be correct. So back to Eugenics.]
Israel doesn’t believe that it could ever be a superior race. It knows that already. It even only won 1 medal at the Olympics, and it was a bronze one at that! In Israel, you must belong to a movement, a political party, a social change organization. Even if you decide to be “counter-culture” and partake in marijuana, you simply join the “Green Leaf” party. Israel is a hodge-podge of cultures and peoples, not a mosaic or melting pot. There can not be a perfect person in Israel that everyone can agree upon. Instead, Israel masks everyone in colors (green, black, orange, etc), and strips the humanity in the process.
Even when a few years back, the settlers in the West Bank had a beauty competition, the winner was someone who upheld the mores and morals of the community. Beauty is not perceived as skin-deep, rather “in the soul”. Speaking of the souls of individuals, the current Prime Minister is a prime example of looking beyond the outside.
But America is different. At the time of writing, according to Wikipedia, there are more than 1.5 million individuals who take part in cheerleading. For those that are unaware, cheerleaders are the perfect combination of physical beauty and talent. Cheerleading is the greatest form of true American art, skill and precision. While in the modern day, most cheerleaders are female, some of the greatest (male) presidents to ever run the United States were cheerleaders. Eisenhower, Reagan, and Bush senior, for a few examples.
In the new American Bible, in the book of Heroes, it even says that one who saves the life of one cheerleader saves an entire world.
The Religious Right has taken this teaching to heart, and completely backs the entire cheerleading industry. In was in this vein that McCain announced his choice for his running mate among the perfection of cheerleaders.
Naysayers might say that cheerleading is a sexist throwback to a bygone era, and that if Barack Obama would have his way, girls would be going to Harvard and Stanford instead of a cheerleading boot camp. Those same naysayers would scoff at McCain’s timing and insinuate that with such a show, he actually set the feminist movement back 40 years. I can just imagine what they would say that “the vp would wave her hand, as if she were in a beauty competition, and the young girls would cheer on the president, while doing intricate routines.”
The name of the true exploitative machine is Michelle Obama. She has produced two girls that Barack Obama refers to incessantly from his soap box. He talks about their future and their possibility, but he is unable to show if they can execute a perfect basket-toss.
Those negativists are anti-American. They don’t understand that only the cheerleader bleeds red, white, and blue. Only a true American hero would use beautiful and athletic young American women to showcase the perfection of America.
America is a perfectly standing multi-tiered pyramid, with the captain standing on top.
That is the America that I believe in.
So to respond to the haters, McCain was not an old school sexist, out of touch with reality, on Friday. He was, and is, a true American hero. Who was born in Panama.
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2 Comments currently posted. 
leah says:
David H. says:
Hilarious. You have delivered some classic lines here:
“Looks matter. Just ask Nixon.”
“the current Prime Minister is a prime example of looking beyond the outside.”
“Naysayers might say that cheerleading is a sexist throwback to a bygone era, and that if Barack Obama would have his way, girls would be going to Harvard and Stanford instead of a cheerleading boot camp.”
“Only a true American hero would use beautiful and athletic young American women to showcase the perfection of America.”
She is hot, isn’t she?
I get that you were trying to be funny. Your post wasn’t cohesive. B”h you’re not a poltical analyst. I am crtain my 5 year old cousin could beat you in a political debate. I’ll leave it at that!