Posted March 20 2008
Rabbis’ New Role: Wedding Crashers
While those in the Internet reading community may not be aware, Brooklyn rabbis have recently banned marriage. I went undercover to find the story, and I now present my first piece of investigative journalism.
Rabbis Ban Marriage: Cite Promiscuity as Reason
Yet Another Jewneric Exclusive by staff writer, David Gertler
A group of 178 of Ultra-Orthodox rabbis came together to sign a ban on marriages this past Tuesday. Rabbi Avrohom Katz of Brooklyn noted that he had been invited to sign a ban on a multitude of topics, but this was the least-contested ban meeting he had ever been to. “When we tried to ban veal, twelve rabbis walked out immediately in opposition to the ban. One even came back in five minutes later so he could walk out twice.” The problem of veal is an issue which most rabbis are opposed to banning; citing the Talmud (Taanit 11a) which claims the Nazir is punished for denying himself wine, which is permissible. The rabbis opposing the veal ban claim the ban was suggested by liberal rabbis and animal rights activists. Rabbi Shaar of Brooklyn, who did not sign the veal ban, claimed that even if the veal was not kosher, he would eat it to make a stance against those who wish to make animal slaughter illegal. Others, like Rabbi Pesach Gardner of Brooklyn, signed the ban, claiming “better safe than sorry.” Rabbi Gardner has signed an estimated 453 bans, including one on a book that he wrote.
Tuesday’s ban on marriage was signed unanimously. Each signatory was adamant that marriage was destroying the fabric of society. Rabbi Gedalia Markowitz of Brooklyn got emotional, declaring, “There is no family that has not been touched by this issue.” Rabbi Shmuel Steinberg of Brooklyn has been pushing for a unilateral stance against marriage for years. “We tried banning weddings in pieces,” Steinberg explained. “We banned fancy weddings, large weddings, music at weddings, dancing at weddings, drinking at weddings…and throughout all those bans we were trying to diminish the problem, but nobody listened to us. We finally drew a line that everyone can see: No weddings. Period.”
Asked if he thought the ban would hold, Brooklyn resident Chaim Edelman said he only hoped the ban would have been in place years ago. “I am currently married,” Edelman said, “I need to pray that the rabbis do not ban divorce.” Others seemed less favorable of the ban, but accepting. Shalom Bloom of Brooklyn was emphatic. “The word of the rabbis must be adhered completely, even if you don’t comprehend the Halacha. The Jewish religion does not allow insubordination.” Asked where he learned the words “adhered” and “insubordination,” Mr. Bloom refused comment and asked that we change “adhered” to “listened” and “insubordination” to “not listening and stuff.”
Rabbi Tzvi Finkel stated that the ban was pushed forth now because “the righteous in the community have come together on this issue after personal events with their own children.” One of those “righteous,” who asked to go under the pseudonym “Jack” and the pseudo-location “Queens,” admitted: “Now that my children want to get married, I see the evil intent behind it and also the great cost. I wish I never had children myself, and would personally vote in favor of post-birth abortion. But don’t quote me on that.” Others saw the ban as a long-awaited tool to prevent misdeeds. “You raise your children with certain values,” Shimin Sheinfeld of Brooklyn said, “but once they think about getting married, all those values go out the window.” Among the most common values neglected is the separation of genders. Rabbi Dovid Rabbinowitz of Brooklyn commented, “It is becoming common for young boys and girls to meet in parks and in cafes prior to and subsequently during marriage. By banning marriage we hope to discourage such disgraceful meetings. These public meetings disrespect our community’s foundation. If people of opposite genders want to meet, they shouldn’t.” Some point fingers at parents who on occasion have permitted a boy and a girl meet in their house. Parents, however, put the blame in the hands of the Shadchanim. Rabbi Zalman Leibowitz vocally opposed Shadchanim, saying that “these individuals are running 21st century harems, encouraging the mingling of genders and the promiscuity and the destruction of society that result.”
What will be the status of those who are already married? Yossi Himmelman of Brooklyn shared his fears. “I’m very glad that someone realized the problems that can occur from marriage. I’ve been married for four years now, and on more than one occasion, I very nearly looked at my wife. I would not be surprised if she accidentally looked at me, not because she isn’t an amazing Eshes Chayil, but it is very difficult not to make a mistake like that when living in the same house with someone.” Asher Fried from Brooklyn shared an even more disturbing experience. “There was one time when my wife made an exceptionally fine meal and without thinking, I said ‘thank you’ and immediately I tried to correct myself and I said ‘I’m sorry.’ It was completely accidental, but it ruined our marriage.”
Rabbis admit that stories such as these, and some much worse, were a major impetus towards the ban. Rabbi Hirsch Goldman of Brooklyn spoke out against post-marital sex. “The concept of ‘Kedoshim Tihiyu’ instills within us the importance of sexual purity,” Goldman said, “after growing up with these values and then entering a marriage with the embodiment of the Yetzer Hara, even the most steadfast might become Tameh.” Asked to clarify if he believed that women were evil, Rabbi Goldman attempted to split his words and take the politically correct position but admitted that he was not capable of giving a personal opinion as he never seen a woman, and “would not know or want to know how to identify one.” Goldman did back his comments with the claim, “My teachers, who were much wiser than I, have said that women are evil, and even if given reason to doubt, I would never sway from their teachings.”
Some citizens were not in favor of the ban. Phil Sprung of Flatbush was outspoken. “The rabbis who signed were clearly swayed away from reason through bribes or the prospect of being able to be a ‘rebbe’ for little boys.” Asked if he would obey the ban, Phil claimed, “I’m already married for 23 years, but I am thinking of getting married a few more times to demonstrate my opposition to the lunacy behind the ban.” Phil admitted having nine children and hopes that they each get married at their convenience.
This issue does not just affect those of the Ultra-Orthodox, Hassidic, community. Reform rabbis are backing the ban as well. Rabbi Esther Friedman of Manhattan could not contain herself when expressing gratitude to the Torah giants for enacting the ban. When asked if she would offer a similar ban to the Committee for Reform Judaism, she smiled and responded, “While I feel that the ban in question will encourage synagogue attendance, even in the Reform community, I would not impose such a ban to my congregation. Those who feel a need to live under such bans are welcome to join the Hassidic community.” Rabbi and Rabbi Zack and Sam Goldberg claim the ban will not change how the Reform community preforms weddings. “The Hassidic community has rejected the validity of Reform weddings for years.” Rabbis Goldberg have been married for six years and are still trying to have their first child. Rabbi David Salme of the Israelite community claimed that “the rabbis are acting in accordance with Scripture, for once.” He quoted a verse, “Renounce marriage for the kingdom in heaven.”
While both extremes are adamantly in favor of the ban, the center seems blissfully unaware. Rabbi Alan Kramer of Teaneck claimed that he never heard of such a ban, and that anyone who signed on it and anyone who follows it is going against the Torah. When asked to prove that marriage was an act sanctioned by the Torah, Rabbi Kramer became vague. “It is true that there is no directive to marry,” Kramer said. “Historically, other Jewish sects have banned marriage. Those sects always died out within a few hundred years. Also,” Kramer added, “there is a Biblical obligation to marry in cases of rape.”
While the issue is certain to bend many hats in the years to come, true rabbis feel adamantly opposed to marriage. “People think they are righteous their whole life. The first thing after a rabbinically ordained marriage, they get screwed! No more.”
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3 Comments currently posted. 
David Gertler says:
Weddings » Blog Archive » Rabbis’ New Role: Wedding Crashers says:
[...] Archer Pam wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerpt“We tried banning weddings in pieces.” Steinberg explained: “we banned fancy weddings, large weddings, music at weddings, dancing at weddings, drinking at weddings […] and throughout all those bans we were trying to diminish the problem … [...]
David Gertler says:
Some great comments to the post at a reprint on failedmessiah.com
http://failedmessiah.typepad.com/failed_messiahcom/2008/03/rabbis-ban-marr.html#comments
Below is a reprint of the New York Times story on this pressing issue.
The New York Times
Rabbis Put End to Wearing White After Labor Day
For most Orthodox Jews, the biggest event in their life is their wedding - an event combining their friends and family with singing and dancing and all types of festivities. Teens and adults alike were shocked on Tuesday when a group of rabbis released an edict against marriages.
The decree, signed by 178 rabbis prohibited Orthodox Jews from participating in marriages including their own. The rabbis warned that weddings include acts of “ribaldry and lightheadedness” such as dancing and singing, and the newly married couple would be lured away from spiritual purity on their wedding night. The ban has thrust internally and externally tensions of how the Jewish community regards gender relations.
The growing popularity of “hot button” topics such as women’s rights and homosexual marriage has troubled most Hasidim. Some fear that the opinion of a spouse may rival the opinions of the rabbis, who have the final word on all things in Hassidic daily life.
In an effort to avoid a full ban on marriages, the rabbis had attempted to ban parts of weddings such as the dancing and all other festivities not essential to the marriage.
That was not enough nor accepted widely enough to prevent the rabbis from feeling the need to express their absolute power. Last Monday, the rabbis agreed to convene on Tuesday, to demand that all planned weddings be canceled and all future weddings be banned. The text of their edict warned that weddings “strip the youth of their innocence, and often, of their clothes.” Coerced to believing it was the right thing to do, all 178 invited rabbis, signed the edict.
Dr. Shloimie Danzig, a father who had been planning a wedding for his daughter to take place Wednesday, was appalled. “I’ve been planning this wedding for months,” said Dr. Danzig, who was looking forward to marrying off his daughter. “Now they have to ban it? Couldn’t they have banned weddings before I put down my deposit?” Dr. Danzig will sustain an estimated $250,000 in losses.
Anticipated brides and grooms throughout the Brooklyn metro area have come out saying that they will not get married. In interviews with a Time’s correspondent, many had the same feeling that they had no choice but to obey the decree. “If I am to get married and have children, how can I answer my children when they ask why I disobeyed a rabbinic decree?”
A man answering Rabbi Dovid Rabbinowitz’s cellphone, who declined to identify himself, claimed to know nothing about the ban and suggested that we had a wrong number. Rabbi Dovid Rabbinowitz is one of the first hundred rabbis to sign the ban.
The ban has provided yet another glimpse into the supposedly secretive Hasidic world. Debate over the ban has raged on blogs and on the radio, both of which have been banned years ago but provide anonymity to those who wish to challenge their leaders without fear of excommunication. “The rabbis are dictators,” said one blogger. “But I love them anyway, cuz their [sic] cute too.” Others defended their spiritual leaders in a more traditional manner, saying that they were protecting young people. “Our rabbis know more than we do, most of them have been married, they must see the evils from their own marriages and wish to save our children from those pains,” wrote another blogger.
Some critics claim the rabbis are manipulating the community, one signer, Rabbi Tzvi Finkel of Brooklyn, told the Times that the rabbis have seen the great pain marriage causes the community and issued the edict to lift that burden. “Time is pressing on this issue, with oil prices so high, and housing prices on the rise, a family of eleven or twelve children all looking to get married just can’t afford the financial burden. It was either allow the selling of children to be used for medical research, which the rabbis have strictly forbidden claiming that science is a devilish farce, or forbid marriages which will save the average Brooklyn family upwards of 3 million dollars.”
There is no indication that this ban will be lifted or is in anyway temporary, Shalom Bloom, a Brooklyn resident reported. “Rescinding the ban would call the rabbis’ infallibility into question. In the past temporary bans have been made. A 400 year ban was put on polygamy, and after the 400 years it was adopted indefinitely. Now the rabbis have banned monogamy, it’s just the logical next step.”