While I think that the Shidduch process is ridiculous these days, I think it’s a consequence not so much of frivolous questions, but of pervasive questionable behavior that illicits a negative reaction and prejudice. It’s really not so much the efforts of the “right wing” element within “Modern Orthodox” circles (reminds me of the recent debates over who among the current presidential candidates represents the “Republican wing of the Republican Party”) to bring “Modern Orthodoxy” to the right. It’s much more of a consequence of the establishment of a Modern Orthodox doctrine. Over the past 2 generations (at least), there’s been this push to create an ideology of Modern Orthodoxy, rather than a recognition of a lifestyle that embraces both, a commitment to Halachah and engagement in the modern world. Since that time, a whole slew of things have happened. Among the major, most noticeable phenomena have been the reactions of those on the right, who would otherwise have never engaged in the modern world. Some have been forced to engage, simply because of the forces of technology, and some have willingly engaged. And some, as has been seen recently in the realm of cell phone usage, have gone so far as to reject modernity as a whole, including technology! (http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2006/12/sprint_to_hasidic_jews_what_r.html)
But what I find most interesting is the phenomenon of those who feel pressured to engage, because they don’t want to be seen as backwards. What I think has resulted from this phenomenon in particular, and also tying into those who have been forced to engage in the modern world by technology, is that there is now a sense of “well, I may not be that modern, but you’re not that Orthodox” being felt by many. This, I think, has been at the heart of the problem among those who fall in the middle, particularly young people who want to get married and have a career. It used to be a lot easier when there was a label of ultra-Orthodox for those who refused to embrace modernity, and a label of Orthodox for everyone else who kept Shabbath and Kashruth. Within that pool of Orthodox, people could float around and find people whose Hashkafah meshed with their own, and grow together to the level that they felt comfortable with. Now, though, that there’s an actual Movement, whose label is Modern Orthodox, there’s a whole battle going on for who gets to decide what that means, and that has real ramifications in the Shidduch world. Now, people feel forced to weed out those traits that they feel will bode ill for their desire to grow from and to a certain level, rather than being able to get at the real meat of what the person’s Hashkafah is that they might date. That, I think, is at the heart of the Shidduch crisis, and at the root of these kinds of ridiculous questionaires.